One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
