it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
