Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
