i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
