PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
