the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
