eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
