none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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