Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
