why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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