He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
