I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
