In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
