I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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