the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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