Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
