he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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