I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
