____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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