i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
