I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
