I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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