apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who died my cat blue again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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