My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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