the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
