thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
