we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
