You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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