mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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