did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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