New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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