It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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