whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
