i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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