And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
