when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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