i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
