NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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