You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
