i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize