FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
