dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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