I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
