Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
