ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
