i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
is that a dick in a sweater?
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