mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
