the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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