I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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