you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
