I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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