my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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