I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
