from now on my penis is your penis
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
