So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
