I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
