haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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