I just pynch a tree in the face
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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