Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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