My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That's when you crack a 10am beer
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
