you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My feet surprised me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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