Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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