Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
