Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
