I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
