it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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