Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
