C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
