Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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