I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
