She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i think i just lost a toe
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
