dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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