My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
