By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
