i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
