I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
