words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
