I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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