You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
