when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
