Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.