She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
