he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.