Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.