i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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